The days of a man approaching a woman and asking her out are long gone. Somewhere in the last 50 years, men have lost touch with their masculinity; particularly North American men. This could be due to the insecurities lathered on us by the countless advertisements we are forced to watch each day. They blossomed in the ‘60s and for the last 50 years, we have been fed garbage so that we would buy into their ideology, their way of thinking and finally their product. They have been winning the battle and still are; but hopefully not for long.
This article is meant for guys who don’t know how to talk to women, guys who are comfortable around women but can’t seem to close the deal, guys who keep getting friend zoned and guys who just wish to brush up on their pick up. Although the article is meant for men, women reading will almost certainly agree with the list of DO’s and DON’Ts listed below. It will hopefully open up your mind and clear your way of thinking. It will make this once simple, but overcomplicated through the years, task – simple again.
Dating tips for Guys: How to pick up women?
Canned one-liners aka pick-up lines are crap. Don’t let anyone tell you different. The only time these may work are if you use them sarcastically; and you better hope the woman has a sense of humor. It’s best to avoid them all together.
“No pick up lines? But how am I supposed to pick up all these women now?”
Before that question gets answered, here’s an insight into the mind of an average man:
(His thoughts) I really like that girl standing over there. Look at her legs, now that’s sexy! Her hair, her lips, her cute face – WHOA, what a woman! She is STUNNING! I’m gonna go talk to her. Ugh, what should I say? How’s my hair? She isn’t even looking at me. Will she like me? She might have a boyfriend…and so on.
One of two things will happen:
1. He’ll walk up to her and say some canned one liner that has nothing to do with anything.
2. He won’t say anything.
Unfortunately, it’s usually number 2.
Some of the best pick up lines are the simplest:
Hi, how are you?
How’s your day?
Followed by…wait for it…honesty!
I have to let you know…you look stunning. Your [whatever YOU find attractive] is [compliment].
I had to come over and talk to you…you have the most beautiful [whatever YOU find attractive].
“WHOA, what? Honesty?? Really???”
Believe it or not, honesty does work. Let her give you the pick up line. Be honest about why you are talking to her. She is going to know either way. If you’re bold about why you are talking to her (picking her up) she will get flustered and flattered. Don’t waste your mind thinking about anything else. No negative thoughts should enter your mind. You don’t need the latest body spray, you don’t need to worry about not having a 6 pack, you don’t need to worry about not having the latest hair product.
Be bold, be honest and be a man. And don’t forget to smile.
It takes time to be comfortable doing this. This is how things were done back when men were still MEN and not little insecure boys.
“Ok, be honest, be bold…I understand. But what if…”
STOP right there. What if is a killer. In today’s time, the ‘what if’ will bring up all these insecurities. Stop thinking about the ‘what if’ and start doing. You know the lyrics from the old Tom Jones song Thunderball, “he acts while other men just talk.”
You need to follow that line.
Because the guys that talk about getting women and brag about how much greater they are than everyone else are the MOST insecure guys out of the bunch.
They are little children in grown up bodies.
Do NOT fear failure. Here’s the truth: we are all insecure, one way or another; most of the time it has to do with the fear of failure. Today’s guys (North American’s especially) would rather not try than attempt and fail. How stupid is that?
Imagine a basketball player not attempting a shot because he is AFRAID to miss. Guys, failure leads to success.
“Don’t ever let the fear of failure stop you from doing anything. You gotta be able to handle that. That’s life. Everything in life, shake it off and come back. You don’t get a good grade on your homework, do better on the quiz. Bad grade on the quiz? Do better on the test. You ask a girl out, she says no, ask her out again. She says no, ask her out again. She keeps saying no, you ask out her little sister. It doesn’t matter what it takes, you don’t back down, men.”
When to give up
The only time you should give up is if she says, “Stop. I am not interested.” Or something along those lines. If they aren’t interested, there’s nothing you can do. Here’s the great thing about that: most women nowadays are so polite that they’ll almost never use that line. They’ll make up lies about having boyfriends, or any other excuse they can think of. They don’t want to hurt your feelings. Use this to your advantage and be relentless. Don’t back down.
She likes it when you tell her what to do
In the bedroom, on the phone or on the street. Think about it, how many times do you get a group of friends out and you’re all wondering about where to go or what to do, and you are all waiting for someone to step up and tell you where to go. Not a suggestion, but a LEAD:
Hmm, maybe we should go to [name of place]?
Let’s go to [name of place].
See the difference? You’re telling them where to go. Believe me, they are all waiting for someone to take initiative; someone to guide them, because it’s so much easier to follow than to lead.
Following is for the lazy. Don’t be lazy.
Indecisiveness is not an attractive quality. By telling a woman what you want, and leading her to where you want to go shows confidence; and nothing is more attractive than confidence.
Change your phrasing from:
“Can I get your number?” to “Give me your number and I’ll text you mine.”
“What do you wanna do?” to “Let’s go to [name of place].”
Lead, don’t follow.
The problem with picking up women and just getting the number
The problem with most “pick-up” material is that it usually stops at the number. You jump through a series of hoops and you get your number. Once you have the number you don’t know what to do with it. The whole set up of the pick up was for the phone number and nothing else. Half of the time, those pick-ups won’t even return your call.
The problem is you’ve set up the wrong goal for yourself. Most of the time, the goal is sex, other times it’s a relationship.
You should focus on sex.
Most women that read that will have immediate anger towards the writer of this article. Let me thoroughly explain what I mean when I say ‘you should focus on sex’. A lot of guys will see a beautiful woman and get so mesmerized by her that they’ll lose all common sense. They’ll be in a mental relationship from the start. This will usually turn the woman off and push her away before any intimacy comes about. Most guys will become bitter and hate the woman for ruining their illusion.
There’s nothing scarier than hearing,
"I want to be in a relationship with you"
from a complete stranger. What’s even worse is the, “I want to marry you” phrase. How can you possibly want commitment from a stranger you know nothing about? What if their lifestyle doesn’t fit your beliefs? What if they have no intention of ever getting married and you do? What if you love sex and they, on the other hand, hate it? There are so many factors to consider before getting into a serious relationship. Do not mentally rush it.
Guys, it’s impossible to force someone into a relationship with you. You can meet a woman, sleep with her and she’ll never want to see you again. Don’t blame yourself and don’t think you’re inadequate. She may have only wanted a one night stand, or she may have used you as rebound for her emotional break up. Either way, it doesn’t matter. After the sex, it is out of your hands. If you’re a Casanova in bed, and she’s single and looking, she’ll want an exclusive relationship from you, guaranteed.
So remember, DON'T focus on the phone number, and focus on the sex. Set up a time and a date when to meet her. When you’re on the date, don’t talk about the weather or useless nonsense. Get to know her but compliment her sexually. Let her know she is beautiful and she’s doing it for you. And you can't wait to get her alone (or her and several of her girlfriends) in the bedroom.
There is no greater compliment than being sexually desirable by someone.
That kind of compliment is flattering no matter who it comes from. So don’t be afraid to tell her. The worst thing she can say to you is, “I am flattered, but I am not interested.”
If she screams at you, curses at you and makes a scene - you can be 100% sure that she is sexually frustrated and is into you.
Think about it. What kind of woman would try to lecture you, in public, about one of the most flattering compliments known to us? She is on edge, she is a little tense and she wants to make sure you can ‘handle’ her. So don’t back down. Stay calm, stick by your decision and be relentless. You will get her. Guaranteed.
So getting back to the main point about getting past the mere phone number; change your goal. The phone number is nothing more than a device for communication in order to set up a meeting. What other value does it hold? It isn’t the main objective. Once you assure the woman that you are a man; a man that is sexually interested in her, there is NO CHANCE of being put into the friend-zone. And if she doesn’t reject you but tries ‘dicking you around’ don’t put up with it. Just leave and move on to the next one. You were honest about your intentions with her. She wasn’t honest about hers.
Life is short.
You don’t know what will happen tomorrow. Another day is not guaranteed. That’s the reality of the situation. If you ever need motivation, think about that for a second. What if today is the last day you have on Earth? Don’t waste your time, men. Live your life to the fullest. If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, the fear of rejection wouldn’t seem so bad. And asking an attractive woman out, in public, wouldn’t seem like such a tall hurdle. Don’t overthink it, don’t beat yourself up, keep it simple and just GO FOR IT. You’ll be glad you did. Because the three greatest misfortunes of life are the, ‘could have’, ‘might have’ and ‘should have’.
Review of Dos and DON’Ts of How to Pick Up Women
DO – Hold eye contact and smile, if she gets flustered or smiles, you know you have her.
DO – Smile! It’s friendly, it’s welcoming and it’s free.
DON’t – Use canned pick up lines. They won’t work. Use honesty and be bold, be a man.
DON’t – Back down or give up without a fight. Enjoy the battle and learn from your mistakes. You will be that much stronger next time.
DON’t – Fear failure. Failure leads to success.
DO – Be honest about your intentions and stand by them.
DON’t – Think about the negative. Keep it positive, and only worry about what you want.
DO – Go for it, don’t just talk about it.
DO – Focus on yourself and don’t worry about what others are doing.
DO – Take the lead. Be a leader, don’t be lazy.
DON’t – Get caught up in a fantasy. Take it one day at a time.
DO – Compliment women. Strangers especially.
DON’t – Waste time. Don’t be indecisive about approaching women. Life is short, men. You’re here today and you might be gone tomorrow.
Enjoy life as much as you can, and good luck!